I really want you to get behind me on this. Before I start, I want to stress that I’m going to be making generalisations. Even I can find exceptions, but I’ll be using evidence for my arguments that what I’m saying is largely true, and I’m really asking for feedback on this one.
Current stats on alt.com, this is better than other sites because I think generally women are more involved in alternative sex sites because they have more to offer them..
When I clicked through, the one woman online by that time had 72 viewers, the man at the top of the list had one, the rest none. I always use that as a very direct illustration. Women don’t watch as much porn as men- you knew that, right?
Even here in blogland most people come upon my blog by certain search terms- that’s why I use the tags! I exist within a world which already has it’s rules and standards and expectations. I can’t have things my way. But I really want to tell you how I wish it could be.
The reason women don’t search for porn is due to experience. It excludes us, we have to search too hard to find something we’d like, even then we’ll have encountered countless gynaecological pop ups in the search for fetish art or classy erotic photos. I know men who feel the same. The woman who likes cheesy gynaecological porn is about as rare as that one woman watching the guy in the cam room. (And that woman is probably a man)
I really absolutely don’t want to see an orange hard-faced man having sex with a girl two generations younger just because he has an unusual ability to keep hard during the photo/camera session. And if I see it I turn off the pc and go watch eastenders. I don’t need an up close biology lesson or another picture of a girl getting a facial.
There is a problem which leads to a fundamental division I can’t do anything about. It’s hard to fight my corner, my argument for “erotic art” when it too often comes under a banner which automatically includes everything from basic hustler porn to bizarre and unpleasant hardcore which most people search for because they’re looking for revulsion or something to ridicule.
Just as the meek naturist couples often have to share space with oil basted exhibitionists- they feel the same, if they were to try to show people how innocent it is they’d have to take them to a place where they’re more likely to see public masturbation than anywhere else in the country and their argument would be instantly invalid.
And that’s how I feel. For all this time I’ve been trying to work out how to reach women. I so want to spend my days telling girls how to take amazingly erotic photos of themselves which they and anyone else they can choose to show will find stunning/ sexy/ empowering. Because I know that women feel that their sexuality has to be hidden. They don’t want to be associated with a kind of pornography which is about abuse. Many guys visiting prostitutes don’t ask if the girl has been trafficked- or so many of them wouldn’t be, they don’t ask for credentials of the girl in the videos they look at.
There’s a fantastic article in the guardian about the differences between the viewers of male and female strippers. It’s a perfect illustration of the polar extremes.
I want a middle ground so that average women (not swingers, not those responding to the desires of their partner) can enjoy erotic images without being visually assaulted by things that will turn them right off) Scarlet magazine was great- informative, clever, erotic, it’s gone. Thank god for Ann Summers and internet sex shops.
Women are never going to find me, if they do they’ll be frightened I’m a guy wanting to perv over their photos.
I want a world where women understand that guys will always look at girls and that’s no threat, but where we can meet them half way.
I’ve asolutely nothing against porn, nothing against nudists, nothing against swingers. I just want my audience to reach further than that into the wider public. Somewhere between those and the high art world is everyone else, my target market.
But if it doesn’t happen soon I’ll give up the commission part of my work, give up social networking and concentrate on my own work which I’ll sell through galleries.
Is there any hope? I don’t know
I joined Fetlife. I like it a lot.
It’s unexpected, the feeling of those sites. I mentioned before I was on the glorious adultfriendfinder blogging for a while, alt.com too. I even had a paid membership for a while.
And all this whingeing I do, it’s absolutely unrelated to those kind of sites. Aside from a couple of notable exceptions, the respect I got on those sites far outweighed that I got on other social networking and.. dare I say… dating sites.
You see, I really want to just be me- say what I want and be as I am in real life. I try but it just doesn’t seem possible. I was probably a bit too much “me” on facebook before I was booted off for facebook nipple crime.
I’m just a normal (hmm, maybe not) person with a regular life. Slightly more boring lately. I haven’t been painting long, 18 months or so. I’m not great, but I think I’m improving. I’m the art equivalent of a good karaoke singer- not quite laughable but never gonna play the Royal Albert Hall. (Incidentally I’m the karaoke equivalent of one of those Xfactor contestants who seem to be on day release- I’ll stick with painting)
The truth is a lot of straight men would rather have a poorly executed painting done by a woman than a great painting done by a man. I’ve got no problem with that in essence but I don’t want to be treated differently. I’d rather lose the business altogether. Which is why I removed myself from some sites and others even say I don’t deal with men at all. It makes me really sad, I had no idea when I started that I’d end up in that position.
I’m as uncompetitive in painting as I am in everything else. I like seeing good art done by others, it makes me want to be a better painter. A lot of the time I’m just playing, pushing paint around. Fine art it isn’t- I know that.
It’s only really on sites like fetlife where I know boundaries are understood. I wonder why that is.
I want to be more honest without it leading to disaster. I sell on Etsy because men don’t look on craft sites. In general that is. You see, I did it again. Most of my readers here are men. I like them. Honest. Men here tend to be cerebral and emotionally intelligent enough to just leave the page if they don’t like what I’m saying.
It’s what happens if I enter into dialogue with men who want paintings done. I stress, this isn’t a universal rule and my etsy male customers are always lovely, I’m able to laugh with them and have genuine conversations. This is the part that male artists don’t have so they don’t know why I feel this way. I know other female painters of nudes get the same treatment, some don’t mind, others do.. It’s the bit between dialogue and sale. You wouldn’t believe how many guys ask for a critique of their naked body or ask for a “date” in this hinterland of transaction.
I’m sorry if you’re one of these guys. Please stop reading now.
Do I like looking at naked men? Lovely muscly gay oiled men? Yes. Boiler repair men with a beer belly? Not so much. Call me shallow but I’ve seen what men look at left to their own devices- and those girls don’t look like me either!!! Not many Susan Boyle lookalikes in the porn industry. I’m more than happy for you to think that I’m a subo doppelganger.
So what am I meant to say at that point? I don’t make much money yet, one day I might, who knows?
If I had the knowledge I’d make a poll. Here’s all I can think of
1 “wow you look so hot” (lie)
2 “your **** is so big” (sometimes true but indicating interest)
3 “you’re not my type, I’m not interested in naked photos of you” (true)
4 “you look alright, if I was your girlfriend/sex partner I’d probably really enjoy seeing you naked” (often true)
5″ damn, I don’t know what to say. If I express any interest here you will carry on sending me pictures I don’t want to see and possibly even start imagining I’m the woman for you. If I say I don’t want to see them or you are not attractive to me you will probably not carry on with this transaction” (TRUE)
6 … avoid the issue.
I can’t lie, just can’t. I know I’d get more work if I led guys on and pretended to like things I don’t. I actually do fancy men. I’m single. I’m female. But I’m damned if I’m going to flirt for financial gain with men I don’t fancy- I’m a painter, not a lap-dancer!
I was in bed last night after waffling on in my previous blog about the illusions which the internet gives men and I remembered this. I had a blog on adultfriendfinder, I found people there intelligent and respectful but I guess that’s because I was only blogging there. I learned so much from being there but it was a limited audience and I gave it up.
I used to feel quite guilty when I exposed the reality of it. More than 30 women to every man, the models used to advertise the site as if pneumatic blondes with perfect glamour model styling need to pay for men to queue up for random encounters. The same as those little chat boxes which pop up on porn sites appearing to be instant messages from predatory models from lads magazines who live just round the corner and want to meet YOU.
It’s outrageous that the exploitation of men is allowed in this way. The truth should be at least in some small print. “these women are not actually representative of women on this site but some of them may be cam hookers so get your credit card ready, this screen is as close as you’re gonna get!”
So I decided that women should have to suffer the same level of disappointment. Here’s an advert I made some time ago for my new website. I reckon in a few months I’ll have thousands of women paying £30 a month. But it wouldn’t- there would be a public outcry if those lies were told to women. It’s no wonder men get so angry. I would too.
Erotic art, it’s a minefield. I really want to use social networking and blogging to show people what I do because it’s so very difficult to exhibit. If you’ve been reading before you know the problems I’d faced but it seemed that listing myself as married stopped the overtly sexual approaches.
Yesterday however I got a message from a British man who had seen my work in a group on facebook. “loving it” he said “very sensuous, love the style” So I thought, here’s someone actually interested in the art. I said he could friend request me if he liked as I welcome all kinds of feedback and post up lots of my work in progress over there.
He requested me. Then he found my blog and messaged me again. He said “is your work mainly for a female audience then?” And he BLOCKED ME! before I had a chance to reply to his enquiry or accept his request.
I’m shocked. Is it really the case that I have to either be single and friendly and constantly deal with men who think I’m asking to be propositioned in sometimes fairly extreme ways jst because I paint naked women and then get very angry when I’m not interested, or pretend I’m married do this to try and fend off advances and make them angry anyway. I’m not averse to male attention when it’s respectful but I don’t like this at all.
If that’s the case then I just don’t know what to try next. Pretend to be a man? Any suggestions for a name….? Go on, if I’ve pissed you off, do your worst! I don’t mind, as long as it’s in public, not in a private message from a coward hiding behind a stock photo of a bodybuilder. Grrrr.
I’ve read a lot about copyright online in forums. All that stuff about altering images a certain amount. Piffle. I’ve gone to a great effort to create these images and I don’t want them copied. They’re mine. They are my babies. I thought them up, I got models, I bought underwear and props, I made photos and then I painted them.
They don’t need painting again in a different way. They don’t need to be tagged on facebook and used as your profile picture without asking me first. Get your own sexy friends and strip them and paint them. You can’t have mine, I saw them first!
NO! I really don’t. Unless you’re paying me to paint it. Strangers offer me this delight all the time. I could watch men from Swindon to Timbuktu with cheap webcams directed zipwards to a disappointing pixellated member all day if I wanted.
How inspiring that would be.
Because…… they’re just not as nice to paint. I prefer painting smooth dogs to fluffy dogs and light coloured horses rather than black ones. They’re easier and more satisfying. I identify with the subject.
And… most importantly, they are less trouble
It’s been a while.
Shortly after my last blog post (rant) I just gave up and took time out. I’ve realised it was partly my fault. I hadn’t realised what would happen and this charming naivety led to disaster.
One by one I shall answer all the questions which plague my working life and social networking. We’ve established that I don’t paint in the nude. That’s always the one that made my face wrinkle the most. I frowned even typing it.
Here are other enquiries off the top of my head and I’ll take them all on one by one so if I get asked again I can link straight here and get myself a glass of wine instead of vexing myself trying to find the words.
Here are the questions. The answers may take a while, but check back- they’re coming.
1 : Why do you paint erotic art?
2: Do you get turned on while I’m taking the photos or painting?
3: Why paint women if you are a straight woman? Why not men???
4: Why the pseudonym?
5: Do you want to see my…….?
Before I come back with answers I’d like to point out that these questions are mostly asked by strangers. Male strangers. And the strangest thing is how badly they seem to want the answers. There’s often an anger behind the question that’s very strange to me. Indignance even.
If you follow me on social networking you’ll see I’m now married. If you know me personally, you’ll know I’m not. That’s stopped a lot of the cruder approaches. The reason I disappeared was because I couldn’t deal with men thinking I was part of the deal and that they were paying for mutual arousal rather than a painting and I’d turned down all commissions because I didn’t want to have to pretend. I began to know how prostitutes must feel and I’m notoriously bad at sucking up.
I’m now exclusively on more anonymous art sites and sites mostly visited by women or intelligent men and it’s much easier.
Should I have to justify myself? Probably not. But I’d like to get it all out of my system and then just concentrate on the painting.